Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I'm a Bad, Bad Blogger...I Was Busy Being Depressed

It's been 8 months since I lost my blogging mojo. I dropped my blog like a bad blind date, and to tell you the truth I'm surprised that I came back. I'll tell you what happened.

I have been cursed with intermittent clinical depression. I can go years without a depressive episode and I usually manage okay with good self-care, but in spite of my best efforts to eat well, run and keep a positive attitude, this time the depression snuck up on me and hit me like a ton of bricks. It knocked me down hard that I couldn't get back up on my own.

image source
I actually felt it coming on before the Hippie Chick Half last spring. I found it hard to finish my workouts two weeks before the race, and I would often gorge myself with carbs to feel better. I thought that it was no big deal, and it would pass so I kept doing my best to keep my chin up and not let the depression drag me under water.

Then I had surgery over the summer and I HAD to quit running for 8 weeks while I healed, which I was secretly glad for. I spent long hours lounging in bed since I don't work during the summer, or laying on the couch and eating crap. Of course I gained weight until I felt like a fat blob in really tight pants (except I wore sweats most days because I didn't give a shit.) By the end of the summer depression had taken over my body and my brain, but it would take a few months for me to reach out and ask for help.

From Hyperbole and a Half

Finally, I made a doctor's appointment, and for the second time in my life I started meds. I admitted my wretched state of being to my cousin and to my husband and they both recommend great resources. This helped tremendously, and within a month I was up and running again. Now I'm eating well again and am working on losing the excess weight. It's taken three months, but I feel like myself again and I have BIG running plans.

Depression is a horrible thing to live with. To me, it's as disabling as having two broken legs. At times it took extreme effort to barely get through my day. I'm finally at a place where I can admit that this is something that I will always live with...it's not going to go away. I'm grateful for my friends and my family, and for all of the wonderful treatment options.

So glad to be back in the world!

Miss Prickly

Resources I used to get better:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D.
Moodhelper by Kaiser Permanente (must get through your insurance)
Lexapro as prescribed by my doctor
Yoga and Running


3 comments:

  1. I know the feeling! I have depression too, and I hate how it can sneak up on you right when you think everything is going well. A lot of bloggers disappear for months at a time though, for various reasons, so don't feel bad about it... just pick up where you left off!

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    1. Thanks for your kind comment. Depression is a bitch!

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  2. I'm so sorry. I can relate on so many levels. I just read your comment about the Hood to Coast relay on my blog. That's so great. Let's meet for sure!

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